For more than 30 years, I have been addicted to murder mystery shows. It all started with Benjamin Bratt on Law & Order. He was so beautiful to watch, and even after he broke my heart and left the show, I was hooked.
Before the days of streaming television and binge-watching, I watched Law & Order whenever it was on TV. When my oldest child was in elementary school, she once commented that the now-infamous “dun, dun” sound at the beginning of each episode made her feel safe—she had heard it so much during her childhood. (Kind of embarrassing for me, but adorable.)
I have expanded my obsession beyond Law & Order and Benjamin Bratt (who is still hot, FYI) and moved on to books and podcasts. In each of these episodes or cases, the detectives always organize their information by creating a Murder Book. Everything related to the crime goes in the murder book.
When I heard the advice to create a Divorce Book, it made perfect sense to me. Everything related to the murder goes in one place, and everything related to the divorce goes into the Divorce Book.
Illustration: Tricia Cummins Bell
I don’t recall exactly where I first heard the term Divorce Book, but I am fairly sure it was on a podcast, most likely The Divorce and Beyond Podcast. Divorce brain, remember? During divorce, it’s difficult to remember normal daily tasks, much less all the details you gather in preparation for divorce.
It’s imperative that you keep one central place to store that information. Divorce is a legal process that requires an astonishing amount of paperwork. Financial statements, bank and credit card records, insurance policies, retirement accounts, budgets, housing information, attorney and counselor contacts. The list grows quickly.
If you have children, there is even more to keep track of: school and extracurricular schedules, medical information, important contacts, and other records.
The type of Divorce Book you create is personal. I am a teacher, and teachers—at least the older ones—love binders. Mine eventually took the form of three binders, including two black ones that I kept mixing up. It was often a mess, but I persisted. I kept organizing and reorganizing and never gave up. In the end, I gave my Divorce Book to my attorney.
Start creating a Divorce Book now, even if it’s only a folder or a bunch of papers clipped together and shoved into a drawer, a box, or a paper bag. Keep everything in one place until you can organize it better.
Many people prefer a digital format. I eventually had both. My attorney required the paperwork to be delivered to her via email. But I needed to see and feel the paperwork in my hands. There was something about holding it that made everything real. This wasn’t a test run. My divorce was actually happening.
The form your Divorce Book takes is up to you. Papers, binders, folders, boxes, computer files, or some combination of all of them. Just like life, divorce is messy. It might take a while to figure out what works best for you.
It won’t be perfect, but it’s better than not trying. Start now. Keep everything related to your divorce in one place. You can organize it later.
Bon courage. You can do this.
Claire
We do not have to become heroes overnight. Just a step at a time, meeting each thing that comes up, seeing it is not as dreadful as it appeared, discovering we have the strength to stare it down.
— Eleanor Roosevelt
Claire Cummins Lorenz 